Am I in my blogger comeback era? Time will tell, but I spent this past weekend completely giving Le Fancy Geek a makeover. Goodbye to my old layout! I’ll miss you. It felt like it was time to update it though because it’s been the same for the past… what? 12 or 13 years? Wow I can’t believe how old this blog is! I think the new look is a lot more reflective of me, right down to the new pink and green color palette.
I wanted to get back into blogging last year, but Rory’s unexpected death really took a toll on me. I couldn’t even bring myself to do a Year in Review post at the very least. It didn’t help that I spent Christmas and New Years recovering from COVID either. I caught it from my dad despite being so careful and masking up wherever I go! Because of La Rona, my bestie Jen and I had to postpone our SoCal getaway that we were supposed to do the first week of January. We rescheduled for February and that’s where these pics are from!
Honey and Butter is known for making the cutest and tastiest macarons. The first time I went a few years ago I got a really cute Pikachu, but this time around none of the character ones had been made yet. I also remembered that they have beautiful paper flower backdrops for the perfect photo op, so I packed this burgundy velvet dress from Blackmilk Clothing with that in mind. When I went the first time, it was an unexpected visit and I was wearing a galaxy print dress and the way I clashed in the pics my friend Syl took of me haunt me til this day!
If you follow me on Instagram, you know I’ve really gotten into k-pop and take pics of my photocards sometimes. I bought a fan-made Jackson Wang photocard and a Kuromi photocard holder for Jen so she could clown with me on this trip. We also hit up Little Tokyo and bought plenty of gashapon toys at Bandai’s pop-up store, went to The Source for k-pop stuff, and also went to a BTS cupsleeve event that had a bunch of ARMY vendors. Overall, this trip was the ultimate pick-me-up after spending the holiday season the way that I did.
Currently, I’ve been in San Diego for the past month to help my sister take care of her 3-month old son, Lucien Marcello, while her and her husband work. I’m definitely still not a baby person, but I love that little dude so fucking much. He is the only human baby I’m willing to take care of.
Here’s hoping for more consistent blogging this year!
When things don’t go as planned, it can be pretty disappointing. But other times it can be full of wonderful surprises.
While I was down in LA earlier this month, my friends had insisted that we go to the Huntington Library since we didn’t have time to go when I visited last October. But once we were en route we learned that it was closed on Tuesdays — take note in case you plan to go too! A few ideas were tossed around, and we ended up going to Descanso Gardens instead. I had never been, nor heard of it before, but I’m always down for a promenade amongst nature. 🌿
We spent time admiring the different types of camellias that bloom there, pointing at all the squirrels and ducks we happened upon, and watching turtles swim around and sunbathe. There was one baby that kept trying to climb on the back of another for what felt like forever, but we kept rooting for it until it successfully climbed aboard! We also spotted four that stayed in place for the longest time, so we said those were our turtlesonas.
I also had an amazing opportunity to partner with Dr. Martens, so of course I wore my Chelsea Boots to wander around for the day. At one point we walked up a steep incline, and my Docs helped me through it 😮💨 I’m usually a tennis shoes or ballet flat girl, but lately I’ve really been into pairing boots with dresses. I love the way my Docs compliment my gray maxi dress from Blackmilk Clothing with black birds and pops of yellow and pink flowers.
Afterwards we had brunch, and a few stores down we came across The Last Book Store’s Montrose location which is full of plants. We didn’t get to explore the store as much since we had to buy Liveplay tickets for one of the BTS concerts in Las Vegas (haha 😅), but had we gone to the Huntington we wouldn’t have seen all that we did.
This day was also really special as it was International Women’s Day and I got to spend it with some of my favorite ladies. If you read my previous blog post you know I’ve been going through a very hard time, so days like this are much needed.
:: OUTFIT DETAILS :: dress: Blackmilk Clothing (n/a) chelsea boots: Dr. Martens (buy here) jacket: A New Day (n/a) / purse: Coach (buy similar here) necklaces: Alex and Ani (buy here) & Karen Digital Shop (buy here)
I took these photos with Rory last Sunday. We hadn’t gone out and done a little photoshoot in awhile, and I was planning on coming back to this blog to write about it as an outfit post — the bag in particular as it’s from BTS’s Artist-Made collection. Instead, I’m writing about how I had to say goodbye to my beloved boy.
Going through photos and videos of him throughout the years has been very painful, so I’m just sharing these last ones we took together. I know I don’t have to write this. But I’m doing it for my peace of mind, so if someone asks what happened, I can direct them here. Because I cannot handle explaining my worst nightmare come to life to anyone more than once. I can’t even believe it happened at all.
Rory started coughing and hacking about a week ago, and I had thought it was his allergies acting up. Before that, he seemed completely fine. But the thing about dogs is that they don’t show they’re in pain until it’s really bad. The fact that he was considered a geriatric dog was also unfathomable to me. Not because I was in denial (okay… maybe a little), but because he still acted the same way he did when he was just a wee baby; still super playful, charming, and lively. I took him to the vet on Wednesday and learned that the left side of his heart had enlarged, and was pushing up against his trachea. I was aware that he had a heart murmur and was always careful about it. In the past, the vet told me to be mindful of it so whenever I took him out on walks — which I admit, wasn’t too often (because it’d be too hot, too dark by the time I got home when I worked, etc) — I shortened the route.
Yesterday morning, I gave him the medicine he was prescribed to help with his coughing and his heart. He was eager to get his Greenie too, so I thought he was fine. But around noon his breathing became more erratic than usual. I tried to stay calm because dogs can feel when you’re stressed, and I didn’t want to put that on him. I hated seeing him like that, and I couldn’t help but think, “What if I have to bring him back to the vet? What if this is it? What if I’m asked if I want to let him go?” I thought it wouldn’t be fair to make Rory suffer for my sake and began crying. How could I even think that?
When he was discharged from his appointment, the vet said he’d call the next day with his blood test results so I figured I would ask about Rory seeing a cardiologist as recommended when he did so. I was already thinking I should take him to the emergency vet, but I went ahead and called the vet to ask about the cardiologist and also that he was having trouble breathing and if I should bring him in. The vet was on lunch and was told I would get a call back. I talked to my sister for a bit about what was happening and she said if it’s been more than 20 minutes, call back and if they’re not helpful take him to the emergency vet. So I called again and the vet told me his heart was in really bad shape and that I could bring him in at 3 so he could prescribe him with a long term heart medication.
At this point it’s 2:15. I called my mom even though she was at work to see if she could come with me because I didn’t want to be alone. As I turned around to pick up Rory on our way out he looked completely miserable, almost unrecognizable. The vet is literally a minute drive from our house, and once we pulled up I felt Rory’s body become lifeless in my arms. His head rolled slowly to the side and his tongue was sticking out, tinged with blue. I screamed his name as I frantically put my hand on his chest to feel for a heart beat, but there was none. I blew really hard into his nostrils and he became conscious again.
Because of COVID, we couldn’t just go in. My mom tried calling, but she fumbled the numbers. I was able to call and a vet tech came rushing out to get him. Not too long after the vet came out and led me into the back room. Rory’s heart was failing, and he would need to see a specialist in UC Davis, but in his state he wouldn’t make it. He told me if it was his dog he’d let them go. This moment was the one I feared the most starting from the day I decided to adopt Rory 10 years ago. I asked if my mom could come in to say goodbye (she tried to come with me at first, but the vet said one person only) before officially saying to go ahead and let him go.
My Auntie Nelly and dad came to the vet and we gathered in an exam room with Rory’s lifeless body so we could see him one last time. I got to have a moment alone and I kissed his nose, forehead, and paw for the last time.
It all happened so fast. I wish I had more time. I thought we had more time. He was only 10 years and 7 months old. My mom and sister told me to not blame myself, but it can’t be helped. There are many “I should have” moments that will haunt my thoughts for the rest of my life. They tell me I was a good mom, but I feel like I should have been better.
Rory was my everything and I will always love him so fiercely. I dreamt of having a dog since I was a little girl and I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect one than Rory despite his imperfections. Even if I came home with a friend and he’d run right past me to greet them instead, I knew at the end of the day he loved me the most. Sometimes when my mom would come to hug me, he’d growl in the most protective way. There were also times where he’d guard my things and run over to protect them from anyone who came too close — sometimes myself included. He would do this with his toys and treats as well; I called this “Dragon Mode”… which makes sense because he looks like a luck dragon.
He was so stubborn. If I called him over or said “halika dito” (“come here” in Tagalog), he would look at me, contemplate, then walk away. Or, he would stretch and take his sweet time walking over. Rory always barked at other dogs, but absolutely loved people. His side-eye game was absolutely legendary. When we went for long drives, he’d put all his body weight on my right arm and look out the window. He walked with such a dainty gait and would stand with one paw up like a dignified gentleman — this is why I would sometimes call him a Dandy Lion.
Rory drank water in the most unique way by bobbing his head up and down. He loved chicken. Words that perked him up were chicken, treat, cookie, outside, smoke (when my dad used to), and Uncle Ernie. If you said “cat” he would jump to his red chaise lounge by the window and start barking. Rory loved laying on that chaise lounge and watch the cars and people go by, and would bark at any cat or dog within eyesight. Even if a tv show my dad or aunt was watching had a doorbell sound, Rory would run to the window and begin to bark. He loved greeting visitors with a toy in his mouth.
Sometimes when I’d go out, I would come home to find him in my room laying on a pile of my clothes. My family said he’d stay in my room for hours when I was gone. When I worked from home or was video chatting with friends, he’d poke his head into the office to see what I was doing. I always picked him up and cradled him and would say in a sing-song voice, “I’m gonna hold you like a baby because you’re my baby!” If I blew raspberries on his chest he would give my nose kisses. I loved petting the bridge of his nose with my pointer finger followed by a “boopity boop” on his nose. Sometimes I’d kiss his forehead or muzzle and leave a lipstick mark, so when anyone asked what it was I would simply say, “my love.”
I taught him to give me high fives with his left paw and hand shakes with his right. When I’d give him treats I would hold the chicken over his head and say “reach for your dreams.” Or I would play “Holy Grail” by hiding one chicken in a closed fist and ask him to choose which one it was in. If he got it right I would say “you chose… WISELY!” He got it right 95% of the time. I loved the way he sighed as if he had the weight of the world on his tiny shoulders. Rory was very much a cat trapped in a dog’s body. He would only come give cuddles if he felt like it, and when he did I felt so special. He preferred to sleep in between legs or by your butt — he didn’t care if you were uncomfortable. And despite being so small, he took up the entirety of the bed. I’m going to miss looking down the staircase to see his little face looking up at me, waiting to be taken on a walk. He liked to play hard to get once he saw the leash in my hand by running away when I told him to come over.
I would sometimes (horribly) sing the chorus of ‘Always Be My Baby’ by Mariah Carey to him because, as the song says, he will “always be a part of me/I’m part of you indefinitely/Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me/Oh darlin’ ’cause you’ll always be my baby.”
My Baby Bubbers, it was an absolute honor to be your mama. I hope you know how much I love you. I’m sorry for all my shortcomings. I wish I could’ve been better to you. Your Lola, Lolo, and Auntie Nelly love you with all their hearts too. I thought we had more years to come and adventures to go on. Wherever you are, I hope your journey across the rainbow bridge was a safe one and that you are eating all the chicken and running wild and free.
On this day 10 years ago I started Le Fancy Geek. How has it been 10 years already?!
2011 was an interesting year for me. At the beginning of the year, I was a fresh college graduate with absolutely zero idea what do post college. I moved back to my hometown and spent my days looking at job listings and being absolutely paralyzed with anxiety by them, and also marathoned lots of shows on Netflix (mainly Psych). Later on in the year I met my fur baby and soulmate, Rory. I also got into my first serious relationship. But out of all these things, starting this blog and Rory are the most important highlights for obvious reasons. lololol
Along with writing, I’ve always been very passionate about fashion and geek culture. Around this time, I was hella into Doctor Who and obsessed with finding ways to incorporate elements of it into my everyday wardrobe. So, as a means to have some sort of creative outlet, I decided to start Le Fancy Geek to chronicle my outfits and random musings. Looking back, it’s astonishing to think of how far I’ve come and what this blog has brought me. And I knoooow… I don’t blog on here as often as I did before, but I’m trying to get back into the habit of writing on here again.
The coolest opportunity blogging has led me to is becoming an ambassador for Jordandene and editor at its sister company Sartorial Geek! To celebrate Le Fancy Geek’s 10th anniversary, I’ve teamed up with Jordandene for a giveaway! Two lucky folks will get the chance to win a $50 Jordandene gift card.
Check out my post on Instagram to see how to enter for a chance to win:
Thanks to everyone who has supported me over the last 10 years! I can’t express enough how truly thankful I am 💜
Instagram is easily accessible, so I’ve been using it over the years to microblog and share things the way I used to on here. But even then, my platform isn’t that grand and my reach is alright at best. So whenever I bring up anything regarding issues in the AAPI community, it feels like I’m standing on a soap box in the middle of a barren strip mall on a weekday afternoon, with the occasional passerby saying “YEAH! YOU SAID IT, GIRL!” and walking away. My words leave an impression on a few, and are forgotten within minutes by others. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it to speak up and put my heart on the line like that. In the end, I always hit “Post” because what is the point of me having a voice if I don’t use it? If I don’t say anything, who will? My community has been silenced for far too long. I only hope I can add more fuel to the fire, however small it may be, to amplify our plight.
It also feels weird to go back to business as usual on social media. Does anyone give a shit if I have a dope new Pokémon dress when my community is in distress? I originally planned to post these pics for St. Patrick’s Day with a punny caption like “What’s your [Pokémon] type? 🌸🌿”, but it didn’t seem right.
I ended up posting them a few days later with this caption:
Pokémon is a source of joy, and revisiting the anime has been a fun escape over the past month. But I can’t help but think of Jiansheng Chen — a 60 year old Chinese American immigrant that played Pokémon Go as a way to connect with his nieces, nephews, and grandchildren. In 2017, he went out one night to play and a security guard shot him when he was parked outside of a clubhouse in Virginia. The reason? He felt threatened. That security guard had it all wrong though — *he* was the threat. My community has NEVER been safe. The violent attacks and senseless killings have been happening ever since we first stepped foot in this country. Over the years, countless members of my community have been verbally assaulted, beaten, or have had their lives taken just because they’re Asian. So many families are left to mend the shattered pieces of their broken hearts and figure out how to go on. Some can’t even stop to grieve because they have to look out for other people in their family. My heart goes out to all of them, including the loved ones of those Asian American women that were killed in the recent Atlanta shootings.
If I’m still thinking of Jiangsheng Chen after all these years when I see anything Pokémon related, then how must his family feel when they see Pokémon too? 😔
A REMINDER: if you also love Pokémon and other aspects of Asian culture such as food, boba, matcha, anime, k-pop, k-dramas, k & j beauty products, kawaii things like Sanrio and San-X characters, Nintendo, martial arts, yoga, karaoke, Buddhism, hell — even Star Wars (yes, you read that right) — you need to be better allies. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how some of you have been doing the bare minimum or nothing at all. What I get from that is that you love what our many cultures bring to the table, but not us. I no longer have room to give anyone grace. Do better.
It’s frustrating to have people literally comment on any of my past posts and tell me they hear me and are willing to learn and do better, and in turn literally post pics to celebrate Animal Crossing’s one year anniversary and bubble tea without one word about what’s going on. I want to believe people can be better, but I keep being proved wrong. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of people being performative in their activism. I’m tired of all the hate we receive for us as a whole, but the endless love and appropriation of the many entities Western culture has taken from us. Just love and support us the way you love Pokémon, dammit.
PS: Sources to help support the AAPI community can be found here. Please donate if you can, and if not please share.
PPS: In case you’re wondering, BlackMilk Clothing Pokémon dress can be found here and here.
Steven Yeun recently said, “Sometimes I wonder if the Asian American experience is what it’s like when you’re thinking about everyone else, but nobody else is thinking about you.”
This quote has been on my mind a lot. It so perfectly sums up how I’ve felt all my life. I constantly feel like I’m juggling other people’s feelings along with my own. Always worrying that I’m overstepping if I say something about what I’m experiencing or hurting from because it’s not on the same level as someone else. Basically devaluing my pain. But at the end of the day no one cares about me.
Or at least until now…? Despite all the conversations I’ve had or posts I’ve put up on Instagram talking about the increased attacks on the Asian American Pacific Islander (AAPI) community, it goes over everyone’s heads. Sure, people have posted things. But the fervor in which it’s done compared to last year with their declarations to become better allies to marginalized communities… well, they just proved to be empty promises.
The tragic events that occurred on March 16 — a mass shooting of 3 different Asian owned massage parlors that resulted in the death of 6 Asian women — led to a massive push. The next day I was greeted with messages asking me how I was doing, that people were there for me. That they see me and hear me. Though it was all said with the best of intentions, I couldn’t help but feel enraged.
What can I say that I haven’t said already? I feel like myself, my sister, and friends in the AAPI community have been screaming into the void since, well… as long as we can comprehend. We’ve shared our struggles not just in the form of info graphs on our IG Stories over the past year, but have brought them up in actual conversations — everything from the rise of hate crimes since the last president uttered “China Virus” + “Kung Flu,” to talking about issues of representation in the media, to our own personal experiences of facing racism firsthand. But they always fall upon deaf ears. Sadly, it’s not surprising as our plight constantly flies under the radar. I’m tired of being invisible.
Why did it take a mass shooting of 3 Asian owned businesses that took the lives of 6 Asian women to be the catalyst for so many of you to REALLY pay attention? To start posting more? To check in on your AAPI friends? Have our collective cries for help in the past few months not been enough? I appreciate those who have checked in on me, but it’s really not necessary. Because I’m not okay — I’m angry, bitter, sad, and more scared than I’ve ever been in my whole life and I don’t see this changing anytime soon.
I implore you, please LISTEN to us. I feel like all the info graphs that circulated last year were for naught. So many of you who went all out in sharing resources and committing to being better allies have barely said a peep about what’s happening to my community until recently. Your silence has been disappointing.
There’s a link in my bio with resources to support the AAPI community, please donate if you can. I’ve also included my Venmo here for the emotional labor I’ve done in trying to raise awareness. Please consider sending money to your AAPI friends who have done the same.✌🏼We have screamed about our struggles into the void for far too long.
I feel like I have so much more to say, but I just can’t will my fingers to type every single thought flashing in my head.
To my fellow AAPI — I see you, I hear you, I feel all your pain, your sadness, your anger. All of it. You matter. Please be safe and take care.
One of my BTS biases, J-Hope, recently celebrated his birthday on the 18th! If you happen to follow me on Instagram you might’ve seen all my Hobicore related outfit posts to celebrate his special day 🥳 J-Hope (along with V) is my fave because of his super sunny disposition. He is sunshine personified, and is just the absolute cutest. Since falling down the BTS rabbit hole in November 2019, their style has trickled its way into my closet too. So much so, I even have an article in the winter issue of Sartorial Geek dedicated to the different types of BTScore style aesthetics! You can find that here.
Hobicore is all about being cheerful, colorful, with fun prints, rainbows, and happy faces. So when I was looking at Living Dead Clothing’s going-out-of-business sale last summer, I added this flower dress to my cart immediately because 1.) it screamed J-Hope and 2.) I thought it would look really cute with my J-Hope inspired beret by Avocado Pins. 💜💛💖
Along with BTS, I’ve been using shopping as a coping mechanism for… well, everything. Haha 😅 I’ve always loved supporting small businesses. Discovering new artists and small businesses at comic conventions is one of my most favorite things, but it doesn’t seem likely we’ll be getting to go to those anytime soon. So I’ve been trying to shop small or second-hand via Poshmark and Mercari as much as possible when I do find myself going into a shopping spiral. It makes me feel less guilty when I know I’m supporting a small business owner rather than a large corporation! lolol
:: OUTFIT DETAILS :: J-Hope pin: AmojinPH (buy here) J-Hope beret: Avocado Pins (buy here) purse: A Shop of Things (buy here) dress: Living Dead Clothing (n/a) | jacket: A New Day (n/a)
If you’re into BTS, who’s your bias and when did you fall down the rabbit hole? Or what are some of your favorite small businesses that you love to support? Let’s discuss in the comments!
2020… how can I even recap it? I almost don’t even want to make my annual Year in Review post, but I’m not one to break tradition.
To say it’s been a weird, sad, maddening hot dumpster fire of a year would be the ultimate understatement. I’ve found myself angrier and even more disheartened by the state of the world and many of the people in it — particularly in the United States in which I live. From those who choose to not understand the Black Lives Matter movement, racial injustices seen in BIPOC/POC communities, to COVID-19 non-believers, it’s hard to look at how other countries are taking better precautions in social distancing and taking care of small businesses and its citizens financially. Must be nice to live somewhere where everyone considers the community as a whole rather than themselves as individuals. Le sigh.
Sometimes I get upset with myself for not accomplishing a whole lot this year. I didn’t even reach my GoodReads goal despite changing it 3 times. Like… that’s something I thought I could accomplish, but alas! I’m trying not to get down on myself because as my friend Sara told me, we’re all dealing with a pandemic. We’re not required to do X, Y, and Z when we’re just trying to survive, so everyone should give themselves grace.
And I’m still alive and [somewhat] well, so that’s something! I feel like some friendships have grown stronger throughout this year, so I’m thankful for the Zoom calls, Google hangouts, and barrage of text messages. They definitely helped me cope and get through 2020.
BTS was an unexpected godsend, too. I started listening to them last November and my love for them has flourished since then. While I’m sad 2020 robbed me of seeing them live in April, a lot of stuff they came out with wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for the pandemic — and that includes some bonds growing stronger with friends who fell down the BTS rabbit hole after ‘Dynamite’ came out in August. And of course, I love how they brought my sister and I a lot closer 💜
got to watch Riz Ahmed’s online performance (was also supposed to see him in April)
started taking Korean, Spanish, and French lessons on Duolingo
Okay, so that last one isn’t that exciting but I’m like… HEY, I am learning something. Haha! And most of my accomplishments were via Sartorial Geek, which is pretty effing cool.
I’m not really sure what else to say. I’ve mainly been cooped up at home lying on the couch scrolling endlessly on Instagram or TikTok, immersing myself in BTS content, watching a k-drama or random show on a streaming platform… yup, that’s pretty much it. 😅
I don’t know if anyone reads my blog anymore, but if someone happens to be reading these words I hope you’re well and doing the best you can, and that you and yours are safe. And please wear a face mask and practice social distancing.
Here’s hoping 2021 will have a light at the end of this pandemic tunnel. On that note, I’ll leave you with ‘Life Goes On’ by BTS. It definitely gives me some hope in this strange and scary timeline we’re all living in. I wish it can do the same for you. 💜
Today marks 9 years since I brought Rory home! I would say it’s his Gotcha Day, but I think that would technically be when I first met him on August 7 and was like, “Mmm hmm, yes. He’s theone.” Nevertheless, I still like to consider today his Homecoming Anniversary. 💜
It goes without saying, but finding the good in these trying times has been hella difficult. I miss the obvious things like hanging out with friends, seeing family, going out and about, and traveling. But one thing I haven’t taken for granted is that I’m able to spend more time with Rory — especially since he’s now considered a senior. AH! It hurt to just even type that 😩 He’ll always be a puppy to me! I can’t even tell he’s aged since he’s all white and is still super energetic.
I remember last summer, I was at a shopping outlet out of town [le sigh] and I had Rory in a stroller — this woman came up to me and asked if she could pet him, so I said sure and when she asked how old he was and I said 8, she goes, “Oh cool, a senior dog.” 😨 I still can’t believe it’s been 9 years though. Getting a dog has been a dream of mine since I was just a wee baby, so even though all this time has passed I still look at Rory sometimes and think to myself, “Holy crap, I have a dog!”
Rory tolerates me terribly singing “Always Be My Baby” by Mariah Carey to him or my own original silly ditties. Also me walking by and shaking his butt saying “SO FLUFFY!” And in turn I tolerate him barking at anyone or anything that walks by our house while he looks out the front window (most recently he barked at a hummingbird), or playing hard to get when it’s time to put his harness on before we go out for a walk. Or when I ask him to come over and he just stares at me and walks away. He’s basically me in dog form and I don’t know whether to be amused or annoyed 😅 I love him unconditionally anyway.
I started writing this blog post at the end of March to post on April 1, but that obviously didn’t happen, because WTF it’s already the end of May.
So I’ll start over.
With the pandemic going on, many of us who aren’t considered essential workers have been laid off from our jobs (hi, it me). And with sheltering in place and only being able to go out for essential things I thought, “wow, maybe this will bring a blogger resurgence!” — like, LiveJournal/Xanga status kinds of blogging. Getting all deep and introspective, or just writing a lot in general. Because what do we have but time on our hands now? But alas. This is the first post I’ve written since NYE 2019. Haha!
At the beginning I was on constant edge about covid-19 (or as I’ve been calling it La Rona); I’d wake up with what I call hummingbird heart because it felt like mine was beating 250 beats per minute from all the anxiety built up. Sometimes I’d wake up with trouble breathing, and panicked even more because it made me think La Rona got me. Everything had me in a constant state of worry. But slowly, I’ve been able to keep it under control thanks to distractions like group chats and Animal Crossing: New Horizons. Honestly, Animal Crossing has been a true godsend! It helps me take my mind off everything, and I’ve been able to keep in touch with my friends and sister in a fun new way. Last month I also co-hosted another Sartorial Geek Fashion Fix Challenge, and participated in some fun projects with the Galactic Coven (like the pass the brush challenge). It’s nice to have those spurts of productivity in a time like this, especially since I feel like I haven’t been that productive. My room is still a mess and I haven’t read a book since February! It’s not for lack of trying — my mind just doesn’t want to shut up every time I pick up a book. And I get very overwhelmed with my piles and piles of clothes. I’m thoroughly annoyed by it.
Even though I feel okay most days, I can’t help but feel sad — which I know is totally normal and okay. I don’t know how long this is going to last, or when it’ll be safe to see my friends and other family again. I had so many plans that are now postponed until who knows when. April was supposed to be a fun month with a trip to LA to watch Riz Ahmed with some of my Bodhi Brigade sisters, and a BTS concert in the Bay Area with my mom and sister. SDCC was also cancelled, and I’m sure Star Wars Celebration will be too. And if it’s not, I’ll probably skip it because I wouldn’t feel safe going.
I miss being able to travel and explore. I miss random trips to Target just to walk around. I miss my family and friends. 😦
Whoever is reading this, I hope this finds you safe and well. Ideally at home and practicing social distancing. I mean, for those of us lucky to have a place to call home anyway.