The Fruity Detoxification Dilemma: Part Deux

photo courtesy of 89.3 The Current

Whoops. I never posted my overall review of the cleanse I went on immediately after completing it, but I did survive the A Choice For Life 5-Day Fruit Detox!

This is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever put myself through. It took a toll on me emotionally, mentally, and physically. And I lost 6 lbs (of water weight, but whatever). It’s been 3 weeks since I completed my cleanse/detox and I’ve managed to keep the weight off so far.

This detox has been offered on Groupon numerous times, so if you happen to see it and you’re curious here’s what it’s all about:

You are given a bag of tea and a protein mix; you must drink 12 ounces of the tea every morning and evening, and 6 ounces of the protein mix (which is, in my opinion, absolutely disgusting. It tastes like sweet chalk). During the day you are supposed to drink 64 ounces of 100% fruit juice. The choices given are apple, cranberry, white grapefruit, prune, grape, and lemon water (6 lemons squeezed and mixed with 64 ounces of mineral water). You don’t have to dedicate each day to a certain juice, you can mix them so long as you drink 64 ounces, and you can mix them with other fruits as a smoothie. I opted to just dedicate each day to one juice as to not confuse myself (I’m bad with measuring things). And I will admit, after 2 glasses of prune juice I said, “F*CK THIS SH!T” and just drank water for the rest of the day. Oh God, it was horrible.

Here’s a list of the fruit I ate while on this cleanse:

  • Strawberries
  • Blueberries
  • Raspberries
  • Kiwis
  • Apples
  • Plums
  • Cherries
  • Grapes
  • Pineapple
  • Cantaloupe
  • Honeydew
  • Watermelon

And here’s what my day-to-day was like:

  • Day 1 was probably the worst as my body adjusted to this all fruit consumption. And I already wrote about that experience, so there’s no need for me to recap. But if you missed out and want to know,  you can read about it here.
  •  Day 2 was grape juice day and I mostly consumed peaches, watermelon, honeydew, a couple of kiwis, and strawberries. I managed to make it through 20 minutes of yoga, but was soooo exhausted due to lack of food-food.
  • Day 3 was dedicated to prune juice. I didn’t want to save it for last because I knew it was going to be a doozy on me physically. Like I said earlier, 2 glasses in and I threw in the metaphorical towel. Prune juice has this thick, overly sweet consistency that makes it hard to drink (at least for me). Also, the fact that I had gone to the bathroom 4 times in between having two 12 ounce helpings of it made me think that it would be in my best interest to stick with water for the rest of the day. No fruit for me that day! Just water. Prune juice… never again. EVER!
  • Day 4 was supposed to be white grapefruit juice day, but after one glass I said, “I REFUSE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS BULLSHIT.” So I ate heaping amounts of strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, cherries, and a plum. Oh, and on this day I walked downstairs and saw my dad biting into the juiciest looking burger. I walked right up to him, bent down and inhaled the savory musk of that tasty looking meaty delight. When I walked into the kitchen, there was a box of French fries. FRENCH FRIES. You have no idea, you guys. French fries are my thing. They are like crack to me. I damn near broke down – I went so far as to inhale them. But I just reminded myself that if I even bit one, then I COMPLETELY fail this whole thing. Somehow I managed to stay strong and walked away with a kiwi.
  • I saved cranberry juice for the last day because I happen to love it! Why not treat myself after all that crap I went through? I managed to finish off the 64 ounce bottle of juice before 5pm and ate a plethora of strawberries and cherries, a whole peach, and an apple. But since I was going to San Jose the next day, I wanted to test my stomach out and see how it would react to other food. I made egg whites and plain wheat toast and my body handled it quite well.

Overall, I’m glad I challenged myself and, despite the eggs and toast, was able to make it through all 5 days. Afterwards I felt a lot lighter and more energized! But the downside to this whole cleanse was getting back into “regular” eating habits. And by regular, I don’t mean going back to the same old crappy foods, but getting back into solids like chicken and protein bars. I had a lot of soups and veggies post cleanse. I think I waited 4 days after to start having chicken again, and even then my body was like, “What is this?! I HATE YOU.” And I definitely wouldn’t advise someone to do this during a workweek – I felt utterly exhausted each day and the frequent trips to the bathroom was a nuisance! Can you imagine having to excuse yourself every 10 minutes to give offerings to the Porcelain God? o,0

But if you want to challenge yourself, go for it!


The Fruity Detoxification Dilemma

I’ve always been curious about detoxing and cleanses, but never bothered to fully look into them. Last month I started to push myself in a healthier direction by frequenting the gym at least 3-4 times a week for an hour and a half, doing Zumba (on my Wii), and doing a few Jillian Michaels DVDs (the latter two will kick your ass). Not too long into my attempt at being healthy, Groupon sent me an email with an offer for a 5-day fruit detox cleanse from A Choice For Life. Five days of eating nothing but fruit? HELL YES! I figured I could totally do that. I punched in my card number and clicked the ‘buy it’ button.

Fast forward to today.

I’m on day 2 and I am SO. F*CKING. MISERABLE.

gif courtesy of iambrony.com

Honestly, today is going a bit better than yesterday though. Yesterday I was a bitchy lethargic forlorn zombie. I went out to buy fruit and juice to consume for the next 5 days and what was my nose greeted with as I walked to the front door? Why, it was the smell of pork chops and chicken! WHAT THE HELL? We didn’t eat like that a week ago. Why is my family suddenly making food I want to eat? As I chomp on a peach I think of fish ‘n chips, cheeseburgers, tacos, cookies, and bacon, and other yummy things that are not healthy but taste so good.

I watched some episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic because that’s all my brain could really take and low and behold, they’re having a picnic. With cookies. COOKIES! Seriously, I never thought a cartoon could make me that upset over food. By that time I had already drunk 32 oz of apple juice. I felt delirious, weak, angry, and obviously I was starving.

My best friend Shanice started a juicing diet on Sunday and plans to do it for 2 months. I texted her to see how she’s doing and tell her I am going crazy. Hoping to hear she’s doing fine, she tells me she wants a pizza. After that, I can’t stop thinking about pizza.

I called Tim around 7:30 for emotional support. Our conversation went like this:

Tim: Hey!

Me: [sounding like I’m on my deathbed] Hi, booyfrieeend.

Tim: Oh my God, are you okay?

Me: [sounding like I’m crying because I’m holding back tears] Noooo.

Tim: What’s the matter?

Me: My cleanse.

Tim: What?

Me: My cleanse! My stupid cleanse. I’m so HUNGRY and I want a Double Double from Inn-N-Out.

I think I probably scared him at first due to my being dramatic.

This is basically what I looked like while I was on the phone with Tim.
photo via Tumblr

Well… 3 more days of this and I’ll be DONE. I’ve already lost 2 lbs, so it’s nice to know it’s working. I plan on writing about my overall experience with more details about the A Choice For Life detox cleanse, so expect a write-up sometime next week!

I guess I’ll go drink some grape juice now. 😦