I’ve always been curious about detoxing and cleanses, but never bothered to fully look into them. Last month I started to push myself in a healthier direction by frequenting the gym at least 3-4 times a week for an hour and a half, doing Zumba (on my Wii), and doing a few Jillian Michaels DVDs (the latter two will kick your ass). Not too long into my attempt at being healthy, Groupon sent me an email with an offer for a 5-day fruit detox cleanse from A Choice For Life. Five days of eating nothing but fruit? HELL YES! I figured I could totally do that. I punched in my card number and clicked the ‘buy it’ button.
Fast forward to today.
I’m on day 2 and I am SO. F*CKING. MISERABLE.
Honestly, today is going a bit better than yesterday though. Yesterday I was a bitchy lethargic forlorn zombie. I went out to buy fruit and juice to consume for the next 5 days and what was my nose greeted with as I walked to the front door? Why, it was the smell of pork chops and chicken! WHAT THE HELL? We didn’t eat like that a week ago. Why is my family suddenly making food I want to eat? As I chomp on a peach I think of fish ‘n chips, cheeseburgers, tacos, cookies, and bacon, and other yummy things that are not healthy but taste so good.
I watched some episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic because that’s all my brain could really take and low and behold, they’re having a picnic. With cookies. COOKIES! Seriously, I never thought a cartoon could make me that upset over food. By that time I had already drunk 32 oz of apple juice. I felt delirious, weak, angry, and obviously I was starving.
My best friend Shanice started a juicing diet on Sunday and plans to do it for 2 months. I texted her to see how she’s doing and tell her I am going crazy. Hoping to hear she’s doing fine, she tells me she wants a pizza. After that, I can’t stop thinking about pizza.
I called Tim around 7:30 for emotional support. Our conversation went like this:
Me: [sounding like I’m on my deathbed] Hi, booyfrieeend.
Tim: Oh my God, are you okay?
Me: [sounding like I’m crying because I’m holding back tears] Noooo.
Tim: What’s the matter?
Me: My cleanse.
Me: My cleanse! My stupid cleanse. I’m so HUNGRY and I want a Double Double from Inn-N-Out.
I think I probably scared him at first due to my being dramatic.
Well… 3 more days of this and I’ll be DONE. I’ve already lost 2 lbs, so it’s nice to know it’s working. I plan on writing about my overall experience with more details about the A Choice For Life detox cleanse, so expect a write-up sometime next week!
I guess I’ll go drink some grape juice now. 😦