The Fruity Detoxification Dilemma

I’ve always been curious about detoxing and cleanses, but never bothered to fully look into them. Last month I started to push myself in a healthier direction by frequenting the gym at least 3-4 times a week for an hour and a half, doing Zumba (on my Wii), and doing a few Jillian Michaels DVDs (the latter two will kick your ass). Not too long into my attempt at being healthy, Groupon sent me an email with an offer for a 5-day fruit detox cleanse from A Choice For Life. Five days of eating nothing but fruit? HELL YES! I figured I could totally do that. I punched in my card number and clicked the ‘buy it’ button.

Fast forward to today.

I’m on day 2 and I am SO. F*CKING. MISERABLE.

gif courtesy of iambrony.com

Honestly, today is going a bit better than yesterday though. Yesterday I was a bitchy lethargic forlorn zombie. I went out to buy fruit and juice to consume for the next 5 days and what was my nose greeted with as I walked to the front door? Why, it was the smell of pork chops and chicken! WHAT THE HELL? We didn’t eat like that a week ago. Why is my family suddenly making food I want to eat? As I chomp on a peach I think of fish ‘n chips, cheeseburgers, tacos, cookies, and bacon, and other yummy things that are not healthy but taste so good.

I watched some episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic because that’s all my brain could really take and low and behold, they’re having a picnic. With cookies. COOKIES! Seriously, I never thought a cartoon could make me that upset over food. By that time I had already drunk 32 oz of apple juice. I felt delirious, weak, angry, and obviously I was starving.

My best friend Shanice started a juicing diet on Sunday and plans to do it for 2 months. I texted her to see how she’s doing and tell her I am going crazy. Hoping to hear she’s doing fine, she tells me she wants a pizza. After that, I can’t stop thinking about pizza.

I called Tim around 7:30 for emotional support. Our conversation went like this:

Tim: Hey!

Me: [sounding like I’m on my deathbed] Hi, booyfrieeend.

Tim: Oh my God, are you okay?

Me: [sounding like I’m crying because I’m holding back tears] Noooo.

Tim: What’s the matter?

Me: My cleanse.

Tim: What?

Me: My cleanse! My stupid cleanse. I’m so HUNGRY and I want a Double Double from Inn-N-Out.

I think I probably scared him at first due to my being dramatic.

This is basically what I looked like while I was on the phone with Tim.
photo via Tumblr

Well… 3 more days of this and I’ll be DONE. I’ve already lost 2 lbs, so it’s nice to know it’s working. I plan on writing about my overall experience with more details about the A Choice For Life detox cleanse, so expect a write-up sometime next week!

I guess I’ll go drink some grape juice now. 😦

11 thoughts on “The Fruity Detoxification Dilemma

    1. With a really silly diet like that you are losing water and you are just going to gain the weight back. These fads are stupid and are not teaching you to eat well but teaching you that to loose weight you must punish yourself and be miserable. You’ll be on this kick now, but trust me all your weight will come back if you don’t make a lifestyle change. Temporary fixes are for suckers.


      1. Seriously, Jullia? Don’t leave comments insinuating that I’m an imbecile, or “sucker” as you put it, because I’m not. I do realize that I am losing water weight and that it WILL come back, and I’m also losing weight from… well, doing that other thing in the bathroom more often than usual in a day. I’m doing this “really silly diet” because I wanted to try it out for colon cleansing purposes — not that you need to know my reasons for doing this endeavor. After this cleanse is over I plan to eat better (which is something I’ve been trying to do BEFORE this cleanse/detox and have successfully lost 3 lbs by that) and will be going back to the gym like I normally do.


  1. What is your overall review. I am in day 4 (THANK GOD). I have not weight myself and I too plan on eating better. I’ve been doing Yoga for one month 3 to 4 times a week and try to add some cardio. I eat not too bad but need to improve that. I agree with you, this was to clean mostly my insides but also losing a fast extra pounds does not hurt. Nothing wrong with this.


    1. YAY! You’re almost there! I actually just posted my overall review. I lost 6 lbs and have managed to keep it off along with losing an additional 2 lbs from eating better and being active. I just struggled post cleanse with getting back into solid food.


  2. Just started the cleanse today-day 1! Encouraging to read you lost some weight, that’s awesome! I typically eat well and stay active, but I went off my plan last week and thought this detox will get me on the straight and narrow again! Thanks for the post!


  3. Man oh man oh man.

    I’m starting this exact cleanse today, and my stomach is already aching just thinking about it, haha.

    Glad your experience wasn’t *toooo bad*. Drinking that much juice sounds like a terrible plan, though.

    Thanks for sharing your insight, though it made me crave In-And-Out. :9


  4. Your blog is so entertaining. I came across it looking for reviews on the cleanse diet as I just received a Groupon for as well. (I have this hype of checking literally everything before I purchase online.) I didn’t learn anything about ‘A Choice for Life’ juice cleanse, but it did tell me I’m going to hate it. I can see myself being you & I haven’t even ordered yet!! Ha! Reading this really made my day. Thanks!


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