Tag Archives: havamalt puppy

Parks and Wreck

This is something that has been gnawing at me for weeks and needed to be written for my own sanity’s sake. Yep. It’s another serious narrative. I know I don’t post these all the time, but I feel it’s important for me to do so every now and then so you guys know I’m not all fluff and fancy stuff. If you’re not into me talking about sad and serious things that might make you feel some way, feel free to skip this and wait for my next post which will be going back to the light-hearted, happy, geeky fashion stuff you usually see on here.

It’s weird how certain things or places can feel tainted based on the memories of a person you associate them with; specifically if that person was once a significant part of your life and is now nothing but a complete and total stranger.  

Earlier in August, while waiting around for Jen to finish up a second interview with a non-profit in the Mission, I walked around the neighborhood with Rory. I realized that Dynamo Donut wasn’t too far away and maybe I could get Jen a congratulatory donut just for making it so far in the job process (she got the gig BTW). What can I say? We always celebrate with food. The fact that Dynamo Donut was a “tainted” place came across my mind as I began to search for it on Google Maps, but I brushed that notion aside and said “fuck it.” It was a place my ex and I had often frequented whenever he visited me and my housemates in Daly City. This was before we started dating, but during that time is when we became best friends. I remember the two of us were so psyched to go, and utterly devastated upon seeing the “closed” sign on its green shutters as we walked up to it. On our way over we noticed a cool looking park with vibrant murals and an enormous mosaic snake. I can’t quite recall if we actually went that day, or if we went the following day after successfully getting donuts, but it instantly became a tradition to go there, even long after I moved out of the Bay Area. Every trip to San Francisco had to include a visit to Dynamo Donut and the park. We’d go there high on sugar (from the donuts, of course) and run along the back of the mosaic snake, which I named Horatio. One time a man asked if we had a child with us since a sign in the park stated adults had to be accompanied by children. My ex said no, but we were children at heart. The man wasn’t amused, but we didn’t care. We kept visiting the park anyway.

The last time I was there was for our two-year anniversary three years ago. Not even a month after that was when we broke up. After it happened, I felt obligated to write about it here since he had such a huge presence on my blog. My readers would obviously notice something was wrong if I just stopped talking about him all together, right? I often documented our adventures, he took a majority of my outfit pictures, and I talked about him a lot on here. He was my legit first love, and he made it seem like we’d last a lifetime. It was only natural that he’d be mentioned very often. 

It was nearly 3:30 when I got to Dynamo, and they were sold out for the day. They still had dog donuts though, so I bought one for Rory and proceeded to the park. I told myself that it was okay to go back. It was only “tainted” because I let it be, and that I shouldn’t let the memory of some stupid guy ruin it for me. We went to Disneyland together all the time, but I managed to make it “mine” again. Surely I could do the same with the park. However, once I reached it, I was swept with such ennui. It was completely deserted. The circular steel swing had been worn down with bits of rust. The paint on the murals were no longer bright, but were faded and chipping. Horatio’s body no longer gleamed the way it used to because there were now splotches of grey cement covering the damage that had been done to him since the three years I was last there. Looking around, memories of moments I had been there played like short films in my head. I remembered the last time I was there, wearing my maroon peacoat and being pushed on the swing by my ex. At one point he told me not to move and brushed something off my back. I panicked and asked if it was a bug and he said no. Minutes later he told me that there was, in fact, a bug on my back. I didn’t feel particularly sad or get a sense of longing over him. The ennui came from something else. As Rory and I took a seat on top of Horatio’s head, I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears. A sudden deep depression came over me. Why was I about to cry? I couldn’t figure it out.

And then I realized the symbolism of it all.

The park is basically the personification of my old relationship. It was beautiful, but now it’s tarnished and faded. When you look back on the past, you try to remember the good things, the beautiful things. This place was full of fun memories that I associated with happier times. From afar, the park still looks fantastic, but once I got closer and was able to see what time had done to it… it’s just… well, a wreck. The paint’s faded and chipping away. Rust has grown on the playground equipment. Horatio doesn’t shine the way I remembered. Or maybe it was like this all along and my rosy colored specs prevented me from seeing it that way.

I stopped myself from crying. “There’s nothing to cry about,” I told myself. I didn’t want to mourn a relationship that’s been over for three years. I’m tired of mourning. I’ve been done mourning. I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t have it in me to be his friend again, and that’s okay. I haven’t talked to him in years, so I don’t know how he feels. There is a lack of trust on my end, which is why I know friendship is out of the question. When I first wrote about us breaking up three years ago, I said that it was a mutual decision. I only said that because I was trying to respect his privacy and didn’t want to portray him in a bad light. But how can I continue to do so when he didn’t respect me at all? The decision wasn’t mutual. It was all him. I was completely blindsided. When he talked about how he felt, and asked what I thought could be done, the only thing I could think of was breaking up. But he promised me so many things; he told me he saw a future with me, we talked about getting married, what kind of wedding it’d be, and growing old together, we talked about getting two dogs and naming them Han and Chewie, and on our first New Year’s Eve he promised to kiss me at midnight the next year, and the year after that, and the year after…  breaking up couldn’t possibly be an option! It feels as if he wanted me to come to that conclusion myself so he wouldn’t feel like an asshole and have to flat out say he wanted things to end himself. I fought like hell to make that relationship work, even after he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. God knows I did all that I could to accommodate his needs to the best of my abilities. I even bought a fucking book to help me understand how to deal with it. So what a punch to the gut it was for him to tell me that he didn’t feel like he was in a relationship. Or when he said he felt like he couldn’t be himself around me anymore, and that he flirted with other girls to fulfill a need for the attention I couldn’t properly give since we were long distance (and that he started dating one of those girls not too long after we broke up). Or when he said that sometimes he wanted to be with me and sometimes he didn’t. Honestly, if you’re even asking yourself that question, do me a favor and just don’t be with me. Oh, and there was also that long, excruciating pause when I said, “You keep saying that you still love me, but that it’s not the same as it used to be… so… are you even still in love with me?” I knew the answer was no, but that pause crushed me. How could this person who was supposedly my significant other and best friend say and feel all these things?

Now that enough time has passed, I can look at the relationship without bias and clouded judgement. I don’t use him being bipolar as an excuse to how he behaved anymore. I can see where things went wrong and that we really weren’t good for each other. Or more so, he really wasn’t good for me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he’s a horrible person. I just think he was a sucky boyfriend to me in the end. That’s all.

I guess the point in me writing this is that I’ve come to understand that looking at the past too often will not serve you well. Perhaps this is something I should’ve figured out a long time ago. The more you visit, the more you’ll see the imperfections and faded paint of something that you once thought was lovely and beautiful. Dwelling on the past too much will only hold you back because it’ll make you feel bitter and afraid, especially if you’re spiteful and hold grudges like me. Just keep moving forward, it’s all we can do. Keep moving forward to better, exciting, and challenging things. It’s scary, and there’ll definitely be some bumps along the way, but you’ll be better for it. And the paint is brighter there, too. I promise.

cheers le fancy geek fashion blogger

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3 Things That Make Me Say “Weeeee!”

Okay, so maybe these three things I’m about to talk about don’t necessarily make me say, “Weeee!” out loud, but they do have the capacity to put a smile on my face, literally make me LoL, or just make me happy in general — therefore, they have a certain “weee!” factor.

Instagram:

ANDRIODS FINALLY HAVE INSTAGRAM!!! I don’t know what took them so long. I really don’t. I had been so jealous of iPhone users for the sheer fact that they get to have this uber amazing photo app on their phones that enable them to make their pictures all fanciful, and they could upload them to pretty much any effing social networking site they want to. Ugh! My sister told me the joyous news about a week ago and my mindset has basically been “INSTAGRAM ALL THE THINGS!” Rory has been my main subject so far (naturally).

You can find me under the monicker Chezfancypants. Like… if you want to follow me, or whatever. Yeah.

CommunityChannel:

Tim re-introduced me to CommunityChannel on YouTube last night, run by Natalie Tran. She’s been M.I.A. for awhile, but she started making videos again about a month ago. In case you’re not familiar with her, she’s a silly Aussie girl who talks about little  problems that happen in everyday like, like standing around awkwardly when you and your friend run into someone they know and they engage in conversation without even introducing you, how all the usernames you want are already taken on every damn site on the internet, or how her mother mysteriously covets things she threw away, etc. WATCH IT!

Chandler Dances on Things:

Awhile ago, someone I follow on Tumblr (I think it was Janine, my homie from Germany) reblogged a gif of Chandler Bing dancing on the dinner table of The Last Supper. I clicked the source link and found the site Chandler Dances on Things. This Tumblr consists of Chandler dancing on anything you can possibly imagine: Hogwarts, Equestria, the Death Star, the TARDIS, Pride Rock, the Sham Wow dude, Yemen, and one of my favorites, the bow of the Titanic. And today happens to be the 100th anniversary of the day the Titanic sank. Could that BE anymore coincidental?
Happy Tax Day/100th Anniversary of the Titanic sinking/my nephew Matthew’s 10th birthday, y’all! 🙂

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Thrifty Thursday

Stockton may be considered a podunk town (we did make it on Forbes‘ worst cities to live in list multiple times), but it has some redeeming qualities — I swear by Podesto’s deli sandwiches, Tiger Yogurt is AMAZING, we’re the only city in California with a Dillard’s and they have awesome sales, Crossroads Trading Co.’s only outlet store is in Stockton, and we have some of the best thrift stores around! My friend Marcos told me that Superior Thirft has 20% discounts for students with IDs every Thursday, so we made plans to go yesterday along with Shanice and Jen.

Superior Thrift is on the side of town I don’t care to venture off to by myself (plus I like avoiding super busy streets), but Marcos told me I had to get over it and made me drive there. And I did okay! *phew*

This purple tie-dye poncho/shirt hybrid was so effing ugly I had to try it on. I just wanted to have an Ugly Betty moment.

Anyway, I managed to find a silver locket, a rodeo belt buckle, a maroon bow tie a la Doctor Who, a copy of Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book, a mustard yellow Mr. Rogers-esque cardigan, a Michael Kors dress, and a purple pave hippo ring for my mom. I found a few other items as well, but they didn’t work out — like the knitted TARDIS blue sweater with gold stitching I found. It was hella itchy and unflattering. I also tried on a Bill Cosby-esque cardigan, and a red dress from the 80s (long sleeve, gold buttons, chain pattern throughout). I thought it was one of those things where it was so ugly, it might be cute. But alas. I was wrong.

Mustard yellow cardigan by Casual Corner. My mom said it's probably from the 80s. And Rory is my blog's unofficial mascot.

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This Michael Kors mini dress was only $10!

I've been wanting a rodeo belt buckle since May. Better late than never I suppose.

This locket kind of reminds of the one in the film adaptation of The Secret Garden.

Marcos managed to snag some nice button-up shirts (and I picked one out for him!) and a swanky Triple 5 Soul khaki jacket, Jen found an authentic military jacket, and Shanice got a fancy grey sweater. I would’ve taken pictures of their loot too, but I was too busy complaining about being hungry in the midst of shopping. All in all, the four of us got some pretty nice swag.

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Filed under geek style, shoppin'

The Caffeine Predicament

In case you’ve been reading my blog from the beginning, this outfit may look a bit familiar to you (see?). I’m not a celebrity, nor am I “internet famous,” therefore it’s okay to do repeats every now and then. Plus it’s not like it’s the exact same thing — my boots are brand new! I’ve been wanting a pair of Victorian-esque boots and nabbed this pair by Madden Girl at Marshall’s over the weekend — they were on sale and the last pair, AND were my size, AND fit over my calves! If that’s not kismet at it’s finest, then I don’t know what is. Lately I’ve been able to find boots that go over my calves — either my calves are shrinking or designers are being kind to those with voluptuous legs. It’s great, but at the same time not kind on my wallet since I’m a full-fledged boot addict and unemployed. D:

Class was cancelled today so I ran a few errands — my aunt said she’s been getting overcharged on my phone bill because I keep going over data (which is dumb, because I have unlimited data!), so I headed to my phone carrier since I knew Marquis was working today. Once I got there I realized I didn’t have my phone with me. LAME. At least I don’t live too far from the shopping center. Marquis also figured out why my phone hasn’t been able to send text messages to certain people, so yay! I also found out I’m eligible for an upgrade. I shall wait for the iPhone 5 since my Droid X is driving me a bit mad.

Afterwards I wandered around Target, and then bought some bitter spray for Rory at PetSmart so he’ll stop chewing things he’s not supposed to… like my shoes. I’m gonna have to return it though because the little butthead likes the way it tastes. Oi.

My mom has been going on and on about Starbucks’ Salted Caramel Mocha. I finally tried one on my way out of Target and she really wasn’t effing around — that shit is delicious. I wasn’t expecting much, but after the first sip I was like, “Is this the hot, sweet nectar of the gods?”

This gif sums up the way I felt about it after I finished:

But I forgot how much my body disdains coffee and I’m currently feeling a bit lightheaded and nauseous. This totally blows. It’s not fair how I can’t partake in the consumption of coffee. I suppose I could go decaf, but that doesn’t sound too appealing. I guess I’ll just stick with tea. *sigh* Why am I blogging right now? I should be napping or puking something. x___x

/facepalm

outfit details:

  • cardigan: Old Navy
  • belt/dress: Xhiliration (Target)
  • necklace: vintage
  • boots: Madden Girl

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Welcome Home, Rory!

Saturday was quite a momentous day as I finally got to bring my little fluffaluffagus, Rory, home! I spent a good 2 days trying to get my room organized, and the purple paint job my dad and I did last week turned out really well… more on that some other day though. I picked Rory up around 5ish. He was the first of the litter to go home, all the puppies were causing a commotion and his mama kept jumping on me like, “Bitch, what the hell are you doing with my baby?!”

Once I put him in his booster seat he cried the whole way home and it frakin’ broke my heart! And since the harness I got didn’t fit him, he wasn’t completely secure in his seat, so I had one hand on the wheel and one on him (except for when doing turns, ’cause that shiz is dangerous!).

Rory had a lot of visitors when he came too! My aunts from the bay area were there to greet him, and they gave me a pack of peepee pads (now I have an endless supply of peepee pads!). After they left, Tim came along and brought Winnie the Pooh sugar cookies to celebrate, and then Jen came in tow with the bow ties she made for him. And she made them all in one day! 🙂

I noticed that Rory likes hiding in dark places — when we brought him to the kitchen he immediately hid under the microwave stand, and in my room he first went underneath my vanity, and then he made the bottom of my bed his bat cave. I even stuck his bed under there. 🙂

This morning my internal alarm went off at 3 am and Rory was up and about, and I fed him since he didn’t eat a lot yesterday. Somehow I managed to get him to take a poop on the peepee pad, but completely FAILED at making him pee on it. He was SO close to the pad too! *sigh* My mom came in my room around 6 and took him downstairs so I could sleep. Isn’t she nice?

I’m not gonna lie — these past few days have been slightly stressful as I try to teach him the ins and outs and figure out this potty training business, but I think this is whole experience is going to be good for me. It’s nice to have this puppy to take care of and love unconditionally. He is the only man whose shit I wanna deal with (literally and figuratively). 🙂

Oi, I’m so groggy. I’m gonna go see some tea about this.

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Filed under pup life

Puppy Wishlist

Rory shall be coming home to me next weekend! I would’ve taken him this week, but my room is not prepared for him yet. It still looks as if H&M, Target, Forever 21, and a few bookstores had a drunken sleepover and upchucked all over the place. And I need to paint the walls too. Yesterday I went to Lowes and picked up a couple of purple paint samples and painted a bit on my wall. I like them, but I’m just wondering if I might want to check out some light green paints too. Decisions, decisions. Bleh.

Anywho, over the last few weeks I’ve been going to PetSmart, Target, and Ross to grab things for Rory like food/water bowls, grooming stuff (I found a kit for $7 at Ross!), shampoo, puppy treats, toys, collars (the one I got him is too big so I had to return it), retractable leash, poopy bags, peepee pads, etc. I still need a crapload of other things though.

I’ve been saying that I want to throw a puppy shower (like a baby shower, but for a dog), but I figured no one would take me seriously. I told Marquis about it and he was like, “Yeah, no. I would not go to your puppy shower.” Thanks a lot, friend! But last week when I saw my Uncle Cesar he said I should throw one, and I didn’t even tell him I wanted to do one, he just came up with it on his own. 😀

I don’t think a puppy shower is gonna happen though. 🙁

But here’s a list of things I need/want to get for my puppy:

  • crate (maybe a medium sized one so he has a bit of leg room)
  • chew toys
  • dental care stuff
  • food (I need to find out what his caretakers are feeding him)
  • nail file
  • and fun stuff…

Bow tie collar from Pecan Pie Puppy. Because bow ties are cool. I also like this one and this one.

Fancy dog tag from Urban Puppy.

Optimus Prime dog shirt. I seriously gasped when I saw this shirt at PetSmart. I didn’t realize it would be SO EFFING HARD to find geeky dog gear. You’d think there would be an abundance of Star Wars shirts and things of that nature for pups, but nooo.

Plaid harness from Urban Pup. I don’t care for the hat, I just really dig this harness. 🙂

And of course, an argyle sweater, also from Urban Pup. I have always wanted an argyle clad puppy since I was, oh, I don’t know… 16? MY DREAMS WILL SOON BE REALIZED. 😀

There’s a bunch of other things I want as well. And I gotta buy some stuff to ward off fleas and ticks and whatnot. Do any of you have dogs or have had dogs? What kind of stuff do you recommend I get?

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